Friday, August 14, 2009

Confusion CAN Cause Issues

"Before I say anything, let me first say hello to Doug and Tanja and give a big hug and thank you for their congratulations. I've been really busy working on my CCNA, so I've not had a whole lot of time to do much, and that includes talking to friends from afar." Also, let me explain the below a little bit. I plan to write a long post regarding the below, however for now let me say that I'm a huge fan of the movie Convoy. I hate the song, HOWEVER the song in the movie is great. My lovely wife actually found the lyrics to it and before losing it I posted it here so I *had* it. On to the reason for this blog:

My wife is/was very upset at me both last night and today as I think there was confusion probably for both of us which in turn led to a fight and her sleeping in the other room. I'm going to paste her entire blog in this window and give my own answers to what is being said as I feel it needs to be put here, so please bear with me:

"It was cold here last night" (2 PART) by psykocat, aka Roxanne Bloodstone, aka wildcat, aka my wife, aka 'Pussy Bear':

I do not mean that just because my air conditioner was fixed last week. I mean it was cold in my bedroom. We went to bed on opposite sides of the bed last night.

We did yell at each other a little bit last night because of money issues, so there was a little tension *but* I went to bed late last night (around 1:20 AM) and I figured she was asleep and I just wanted to get to bed as I had to get up at 6:00 AM or at least I was supposed to. Because of that reason I didn't cuddle with her. I moved as close to the fan (We sleep with a fan) as I could to fall asleep. With me that didn't happen anyway, as I kept resetting the alarm over and over again and didn't even leave this morning until 7:45 when I was supposed to be in class (I'm in class this week btw) by 8:30 AM. I made it, but barely. Thinking back, I should have cuddled with her as I deep down knew how she would have felt later.

After awhile I got cold and lonely and went and slept in our future sons room. I still felt the same but at least I knew the love of my life was not beside me making me feel that way.

I had no idea she was in the other room. I sleep like a rock. Having said that, I woke up no less than 10 times last night probably because she wasn't there, however I thought she was in the bathroom or something and I feel back asleep pretty quickly.

I don't know which stresses him out more, the fact that he could be fired if he does not pass this class, or that I am pregnant and not doing anything right.

I don't think I'll get fired if I don't pass the test anytime soon, but I receive flack DAILY from ALL of my co-workers about this test. A couple have offered to help me study, but most think they're better than me because they have certifications, and honestly, my boss has watched how others treat me and he really just wants me to pass so I can stop being the peer everyone hates. I won't comment on the "I can't do anything right" other than she knows I hate it when she says that and I do NOT, let me repeat: do NOT like it when she says that and puts herself down.

Though being pregnant is one of my fondest dreams.... I have prayed and wished on stars for this.

It is also something I have prayed and wished on the stars for as well.

But lately I have wished I had never gotten pregnant.

Please do not EVER say that again.

 It has caused us to fight in ways we have never fought before. It scares me that he will walk out on me one of these days because my hormones are out of control and his blood sugar makes him have anger issues.

That is true. We do have more tension now, however it's because she's not the confrontational type with me typically, and with my blood sugar being high or low or who the hell knows anymore, that makes us clash much more often than before. She knows I won't walk out on her. I've NEVER felt that way, other than huge fights we have had in the past (I can think of two), but when I think about that I think "What am I going to do without her?!". I'd never go that far, no matter WHAT I've said in the past. I love her too much to even THINK of it normally.

Or because he will realize the baby is taking his freedom and my attention. Last week he was pulling at his hair and slamming his fist into the couch because I told him his blood sugar was dropping and he was turning stupid. Like I have for years. According to him that had always upset him.

I have mentioned it upsets me in the past. Having low blood sugar can literally KILL me. It hurts me more than anything because I do act stupid (blood no longer going to brain = idiot who can't think). My blood sugar has actually dropped during the tests I've taken, but I'm on a stupid timer and just have to miss one thing after another. That's one of the reasons I've never passed sadly as I can't think during the test, but that's a side thing. I will say it's low right now so I'm drinking orange juice.

Last night he didn't say a word to me when he came to bed and then he made sure he was as far from me as possible. I said good night and he still ignored me. Eventually I went and slept in the other room. For once he didn't join me. In fact he didn't even ask me where I was going. That is how I new he was fuming about our argument.

See above for the first part of this. I heard something and said "Hunh" or something, but she didn't hear me I guess. I figured she went to the bathroom and passed out shortly after that she left the bed. I was NOT fuming about our argument.

It all started with me pushing him to study. He has to pass this class for work or they will fire him. He started the classes on Monday and they end Friday. He is taking the test Monday. I am really stupid when trying to help study because I have no idea what I am reading. I can't help at all with simulators because it involves the computer. After I had finally got him in there to study, he told me to come in and figure out the bills. I didn't want him distracted from his studies but after his pushing I went it. Also cause he said he would help. I went in and tallied everything. I found out how much we got paid and then asked his opinion on how we should pay them so we have money for our vacation. That is where it all turned south. We both started yelling. I was upset cause he said he would help me pay bills and didn't, and he was upset because I asked him to pay the house payment. He then pushed his keyboard away from him pissed off and started canceling the vacation and telling me was going to get fired. I know he needs to study I am the one that is pushing him to do it. He is the one that wants to watch tv and go herping. I paid the crucial ones and left us with 500 for the 2 weeks.

They won't fire me I don't think, though I could be wrong. Please see above. I told her to pay the bills because I'm really stupid when it comes to that and she's really good at doing the math. I did get upset, however it was because I knew the vacation isn't going to work unless we pull from the baby's $600 that we have now. I really DON'T want to touch the baby fund. I try to pretend it isn't there other than the friggin' $900 I had to use from it a couple of weeks ago for the damned air conditioning. She is right about the watch tv and go herping thing though, but she left out fishing. Either way I procrastinate EVERYTHING and I always have unfortunately.

I am prepared for the baby fund to be tapped on our vacation. I have 600 in it. We have basically bled it with emergencies. Why not one last week of freedom before the baby comes. We both go on vacation the 22nd. Around midnight I eventually shut down my computer and left the room.

If she truly wants that I'll do it but *ONLY* because I have a bonus coming next month or the month after for on-call.

I figured all was fine when I decided to go to bed. I brought him both of his medications and prepared the alarms. I even made sure the bed was ready so he could just slide in and right up against me. At 1240 I told him he needed to come to bed it was getting late. He said in a minute he would. At 10 past 1 he finally came out of the room and went outside to have a smoke.

I needed a smoke. I had quit for a while, but you know how that goes.

At 125 he came into the bedroom. I had passed out waiting for him. I was laying in a position where he could just back up into me and go into auto spoon. In stead I felt the cats walk the empty space between us. After ten minutes I new he was still pissed at me and I went away.

Please see above. It's too bad though, auto spoon would have been nice. :\

It is now 235am. I am going to distress and go to bed in the babies room. At least I can sleep now. I good cry while typing works out really well.

That really upsets me. I honestly had NO idea. :(


Oh god I didn't sleep at all. When I wasn't trying to get comfy I was thinking about how mad he is at me. I found that out really quick.

Not true.

I set my alarm to get me up so I can make sure that he gets up too. He had reset his alarm for 15 more min. Instead of asking me why I wasn't in bed he asked me where the fuck were you. I answered with I couldn't sleep. So 15 min later I went in and got him up again. He had again reset the alarm and asked me why aren't you in bed? I told him I couldn't sleep. Each time I would crawl back into the futon bed in the babies room. Finally he got up and got ready.

I honestly don't remember any of that. The expletive I mean. I remember her waking me up, however I needed more sleep.

One way I knew he was stilled pissed off at me, was the fact that he didn't even come in to check on me or anything. He just got up, got dressed, didn't have breakfast, and left immediately. The garage door is right by the babies room. You have to pass it to get out. He didn't even say anything to me. He set the house alarm and walked out.

NOT True! I got up, got dressed, sat on the couch in the living room and played with my IPhone for a little while. I walked into the hallway and looked in on her and her eyes were closed. I then set the alarm and went back and looked at her and her eyes were closed still, so I tried not to make noise and left as I was running late.

I must have really did him good last night to make him hate me so much that he won't even talk to me. Any other day he would have gotten up and looked for me this morning. He would have been concerned that I was not in bed. He would have talked to me.

See above.

Well it is 817am I need to get ready for work. I know he won't contact me all day so I have to wait this out and see how long it takes him to calm down and talk to me. Now to figured out if I want to be upset tonight and have the baby stress out or stay away and see if he contacts me.

It is going to be a lovely day at work.

I've talked to her and I hope everything is ok now. Like I said, this is a tale of confusion. Her birthday was last week and I spent a lot of money on her, so I really have myself to blame for money troubles, but DAMNIT she's the love of my life and she DESERVES everything she gets. \


1 comment:

ThE PsYkO WiFe said...

Only my husband can make me cry. And this blog did just that.

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