Friday, February 29, 2008

Diabetes can lick my.......

Alright.. so I'm a diabetic now and I have to get used to it. Nothing is going to change. There isn't going to be a miraculous cure and I sure as hell aren't going to get a new pancreas, so I just need to deal with the ultra high blood sugars I get if I don't take enough insulin, or if I get medication that doesn't agree with me, or if the wind blows to the east instead of the south.

Take this morning for instance: I woke up feeling like crap. I could barely function and I still had to get up and go to work. This of course was after peeing at least (3) times prior to getting up after the alarm wouldn't shut the hell up. I checked my blood sugar and of course it was almost 400. For those of you that don't know, that's bad.

If you're fuzzy on the old, good, bad thing, here's a rundown: Imagine me keeling over at any second because my blood no longer wants to pump through my body quick enough to actually sustain anything and that (to me anyway) is bad.

My life used to be so much better. I used to be able to eat anything I wanted to and there were no consequences. That of course, is shot to hell. Now I have to stick myself daily with a friggin' needle every time I plan on eating something. It was never supposed to be like this. I am on the verge of tears right now writing this because it is so depressing. It's all so damn depressing and there's NOTHING I can do about it.

People say to take better care of myself, but it's not as easy as everyone thinks it is. My metabolism is VERY HIGH. Diabetics typically don't have overactive metabolisms and nobody understands that. I was losing weight in 2004 when I found out I was a diabetic. This went on for about 6mths and I was unsure of what to do. My endocrinologist said "eat more" so I did.

My blood sugars are so erratic that it's a wonder I'm alive. Take yesterday for instance. My blood sugar was 220 when I got home from work last night. The wife made dinner and told me to take 30 units. To cope with my blood sugar being over I took 35. That was a BIG mistake as my blood sugar dropped to 44 and I was forced to take carbohydrates to bring it back. This of course didn't jive, as this morning I woke up with almost 400, so that shows I took too much *OR* this medication they have me on (clindamycin) is messing with my blood sugar levels.



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